WARNING: selfish post!! the topic today is about me, me, and me.

today is the day that michael jackson died.

today is also the day that one of my greatest expectations crumbled, right in front of me.
yet, i expected that this [the crumbling] would happen anytime. me expecting good things equals the opposite. it has always been a series of deja vu.

last monday, amidst the noisy cackle of students during flag ceremony, i heard these magic words: "student exchange program" and "japan". my eyes widened upon hearing these words. i didn't expect that opportunity would come and lay its body in front of me. "uwaa," i thought. "this will be one of the the best moments of my life."

ah, wait. for those who don't know, a trip to japan was like a gift from heaven, a dream come true, for me. i'm so interested in their culture, the sights, the festivals, the girls and boys [ehem.], the tofu [ahaha], their high school bell [the one you often hear in school-life anime], etc etc blablabla. you name it, i want to see it. i love japan to the point that i would give all just to live/go there. okay, back to the story.

the english department head said that anyone who is interested should report to her later. so off we went, Frances, me and Ysabel, an excited triad of japanophile girls. we were the first to sign up among the fourth years. we were informed that it was not yet sure, but we will be contacted once it is confirmed. so off we went, me fighting off the urge to scream my head off and feeling like i conquered the world.

tuesday passed. wednesday, and thursday, no classes, passed. then came friday. it was diagnostic test day, and i was scheduled to take the test after lunch. 9 am, Ysabel texted me. "JOLINA! alam mo na ba yung tungkol sa student exchange program?" something like that. i was like, "what, WHAT!??" i thought something good happened, until i came to school. my friends seated me on the banister-ish part of the building and broke the news.

"kahapon yung interview, last day na ngayon. whole day yun. pero may diagnostic test tayo."
that means, no interview, no japan. the real, hard truth. i sat there like a dope for minutes, staring at them. then i slid down the banister, saying "okay." i stared down, and like all sad tragedies, i cried. i cried because i was sad, i cried because why the effing sh** did i not know about that effing interview, and i cried because, what the hell, i just ruined my chance to go on a cost-free trip to japan. What The Hell. just like that. it's like letting a wad 1000-peso bills slip off your hands and watch them slide effortlessly through the grills of a deep gutter.

when i got in the classroom, i saw one of my classmates. he managed to go to the interview. when i saw him take out his passport, the same color as mine, dangit. i've had it. i let out tears of anger, jealousy, envy. sorry, i sinned a lot today.

no, i don't blame anyone. and i was not only the one who lost. i am not a kid anymore, whose wishes will be granted after making tantrums. so i'll just wish and pray at the bottom of my heart that by miracle, the interviews will be extended.

somehow, at the end of the day, my gloominess was eased by my friends, and mister ice cream. thanks guys, for letting me borow your shoulders and carebears. [what? XD] thanks too, chocolate Cornetto.

and so this post ends with a smile. :)